I had it all figured out at one time. I promise you I did. Okay okay, I just thought I did. There, you got it out of me. Everything seem to be aligned just right. Work. Check. Social life. Check. Spiritual life. Check. Health. Not such a big check. In fact, it was more like a big fat 'x' than a check at all. I had to fix the list and make sure, like a good boy, that every box was checked and everything was just right. Right?
So I did what any logical minded person would do, I started focusing and concentrating on my health because of course who wouldn't want to be healthy? That would be absurd. I ran. I did sit ups. I ate more fruits and vegetables. I even joined a gym to make sure I fit exercising into my schedule. I could step back and see all that had been accomplished. The box next to 'health' on my life list could be checked off with pride for all the world to see. But wait, what did I notice now? The check mark next to another box had begun to fade.
Frankly it doesn't even matter which check mark begins to fade or when, because life has a way of making sure at least one box needs a check mark. In the springtime it's not quite cold enough for a comforter and not quite hot enough to sleep without a cover so you grab a light blanket in hopes of finding that perfect one-with-the-universe balance of protection from the cold yet not too cold weather. You pull it one way and your feet are exposed so you pull it the other way and half your chest is out in the open. For some reason, there's always a tiny bit of blanket missing from one end. Is the blanket too small? Is it just a cruel optical illusion? Probably not. It's most likely from us pulling too hard in any one direction. Sound familiar? Fine, I must be the only one then. The truth is, if we could just tug ever so gently in each direction, we would find a happy medium of covered feet, covered arms and covered body.
I sat there in the thick of the night with my feet sticking out like chicken in an overstuffed taco and after thinking long and deep about this whole blanket issue, I went back to my life list, looked at the boxes that stood next to everything that makes life, well, life and figured it was high time that I stopped pulling so hard in any one direction. All the boxes would never be fully checked off but hey, if I could get even a tiny check next to most of those, I was going to be okay.
Sometimes I see others lists and I notice huge checks, perhaps in the career box while other boxes have no checks at all or at the most a check that had been erased a long time ago. We know these people, we live with these people, heck we may even be one of these people. The good news is that the checks and balances is ever changing and no matter how much you may think your checks may be drawn in permanent marker, they can always be changed.
Last night was a rather cold night despite the calendar indicating that it's summer in New York City and I needed something to cover myself with. I grabbed my blanket and I pushed, pulled, stretched and tried as hard as I could to make sure every last square inch of my body was covered but it wasn't working. I wasn't going to succeed if I kept up this pace so I took a deep breath, adjusted my blanket strategy and slept most peacefully with almost everything protected from the cold night air.
Much like that blanket, I've tried to pull, tug and stretch everything in my life where it's all covered just right down to every last corner but I'm starting to think that much like that blanket, something is always going to be left uncovered and need to adjusting.
Live like the blanket will never cover it all and I promise you a better night's sleep awaits.
much blanket love
~adrian
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